7.29.2002

What Next

I didn't know how Nana was going to end, but when it did, it was perfect. I don't wish to give it away, though, because what if you want to read it one day?

Michelle had a fun party this weekend where I drank too much and said more, but to the wrong people and about the wrong things. However, since I know this, I'm ready to take action.

Now we move on to my first "Clash of the Huntsmans" entry. Look, it can be abbreviated ClotH! Here we go: "After shelling out the big bucks for this quality education, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Well, so much for easing into this.

I don't know if I'll ever be sure of what I want to be. The plans change as often as my underwear, and I'm a very hygienic person.

Right now, I'm preoccupied with thinking about the Foreign Service Exam, just because I can't really apply for anything else yet, and because the written test is not so far away. This career path will ultimately lead me to become Secretary of State. Then I will try to make the rest of the world not hate Americans as much. Fun and challenging!

At the end of last year, I wanted my first job to be teaching English in France. While I probably won't do this, I want to teach sometime in the future. I want people to turn out better than the people of today, and I think teaching is the way to do that. Or raising kids. I want to be a father when I grow up, too. We're in for a wild ride.

International Security sparked my interest in the applications of my International Studies degree and also led me to take two I.S. courses this fall, one of which doesn't really count for anything (that's dedication). In contrast, Consumer Behavior was such a bunch of shit (who would have guessed) that my interest in a marketing job is waning. The fact that I don't have a marketing internship also contributes to this, but I'm not losing all hope. On the plus side, this auditing thing has proved more interesting than I thought. With more responsibility, I don't think this would be a bad job. Ha, says the kid with C's in Accounting. What if, when all is said and done, The Spark's personality test was the truest measure of my future? Well, I'm not ready to concede that. It says I'm 100% likely to kiss Ranjana, Gustaf, Yelena and Hari's cousin when drunk.

I could see--more easily than I'd like to--taking a less than ideal job in order to make money to get my own place and go to grad school. That kind of pisses me off, but I do not want to enter the "real world" in debt. Plus, leaving Whippany is important to me. I don't think anyone that knows me would call me an idealist, and I think that has helped me keep my sanity. You are protected when plans don't materialize.

The times I am most happy at school are when acting like an idiot in musicals. If evaluating my future career plans using the maxim "Do what makes you happy," then I've failed already. (That was not a dream deferred, but aborted.) But I stick by the practicality of that decision. Besides, in the choice between 2400 arrogant, competitive, snobbish, budding capitalists and corporate minions and 2400 erratic, dramatic, egotistical, "activist" artists...well, that's one lesson I've learned this summer. Nevertheless, when I grow up, I want to be rich enough to give some money to the Penn Singers (if it survives and is not swallowed up by PAC).

Still, I contend that my ultimate dream job is picking what songs go on the soundtracks for movies, and it saddens me to know that I'm not technically trained for this at all! At least I can derive some vicarious pleasure from making mix CD's, but I'm not really prepared for that either because I don't have a CD burner. The other dream job would be writing for The Onion. "Thousands Die in Indonesia Again?" "Home-Schooled Student Opens Fire on Breakfast Nook?" How brilliant are these people?

I want to be wiser when I grow up. And I want to live long enough for Mike and I to go on an old-people trip to Atlantic City, where I can gamble away my fortune from my as yet unidentified career.

7.24.2002

You Never

And in the middle of investigation, I break down.

7.19.2002

Tall, Dark, and Vacant

This week continued much in the same manner as the rest of the summer.

Discussion involved "good person/bad person" analyses. Shallow as that dichotomy might be, it's fun to think about. 1) I'm not inclined to think of myself as a good person because I'm not that self-assured. Or maybe because I'm Catholic! 2) But I can't seriously consider myself a bad person because I don't believe that. Or maybe because I can't seriously consider anything. 3) Possible reasons for the latter are a) I'm really dumb, or b) what I really believe: over a long enough timeline, everything is funny. 4) I conclude I'm a good person, a bad Catholic, and I'll still make fun of people, although it is unkind and unattractive. There. My seasons of self-loathing are usually short-lived.

Another discussion involved "reading people." This was on Saturday, but someone brought it up again five days later. What can I read in that situation? Perhaps someone wants further discussion, or else why would one bring up a subject again? And why label yourself as shallow at the beginning of the week and close the week arguing that human beings are too complex to read? Of course human beings are complex, otherwise such about-faces would make sense. Furthermore, I defend seeking out information for the sake of satisfying curiosity. That should be understandable; I know how well someone deals with uncertainty.

And now the weekend lies wide open. I will buy Abbey Road.

7.12.2002

Go With The Flow

You can guess how much work I've had this week...

I had a fabulous Fourth and hope you did, too. I learned chess, dominoes, and a new way to prepare corn.

I read online newspapers when I'm bored at work. The United States secretary of health and human services says the Bush administration is committed to reducing the incidence of H.I.V. among American youth by 50 percent by 2010. I don't see this commitment and abstinence-only education adding up. Moral Hazard made a nice point: "Conservatives aren't the enemy. Liberals aren't the enemy. Bullshit is the enemy." How appropriate.

European vicarious memories, Part I: Mike teaches relationship slang, Dani gets Roger's autograph, Andrea and Elaine visit a Venetian arsenal, "Jesus is off the hook" and Sue wears sausage casing. Hey, what do you want from me? My life's just not as interesting.

Apparently Mr. Tilove's friends are coming back east this fall. We should have another party.

I found a Rod Stewart song I like! Well, I don't actually remember most of it, so take that statement with a grain of salt. The refrain is good, though.

Crab Doublers, anyone?