8.16.2002

How Does It Feel

The SAT score: 53.

A long list of things to clean, buy, and do.

ClotH entry: How does it make you feel when you see the kids that were freshmen when you were a senior in high school driving cars, now graduated and headed off to college?

It makes me feel old, and reminds me how quickly time goes by. My egotistical side wonders if I have made a positive influence on one of those kids' lives. It makes me think that such a random collection of people's histories will be linked solely because their parents decided to live where they did. I feel love for my college years and appreciation for how the world has changed for my band of Whippanites and me.

8.15.2002

The List

Putative, sputative, and disputative: I love that they have nothing to do with each other. I'll be done with work on Saturday. Irish history. The Wicked Witch of the West's college roommate was Glinda. "We love our lovin' but not like we love our freedom." Prostitutes protest in Lyon. @ klammeraffe spider monkey. Happy new year, happy new year.

That's my drift.

8.12.2002

Jesus Christ


Jesus Christ was a total fox.


On a whim, I removed my tongue piercing last night (I'm sorry, Cristine).

I went to Seaside Heights and ate a lot of Seaside staples.

8.07.2002

We Could Talk Or Not Talk

All quiet on the Whippanong front, to be expected when most aren't speaking to each other. An outsider recommended I say, "Get over yourselves," but in a nice way.

We manage to remain in high spirits, formulating the Summer Aptitude Test, and laughing about the rituals of test-taking that have left their mark. Cheap yellow scrap paper that rips when you erase, "One or two?" "Use the top of your pencil to break the seal," "I will now read you the directions to Section I," "Which of the following is NOT true," "c) I and IV d) IV ONLY," the little stop sign.

8.02.2002

What's The Point?

I drove around in a convertible listening to opera. This is something I wanted to do for a while, and it was as fun as I imagined.

I know someone who...microwaved their underwear at work. Genius.

What college freshman doomed to live in the basement of a dorm wouldn't love the hall theme of "The Caves of Tora Bora"?

ClotH entry: What do you believe is the meaning of your life at this moment (considering the experiences you've had in the 20-odd years you've been alive)?

At some points, life does seem to be a random lottery, as they say. But if all those who contend that everything happens for a reason are correct, then what is my purpose here? What is the meaning of my life? Jesus, don't people go insane thinking about things like this?!

I can tell you things that are important to me, but it's not like I'm on some sort of quest where my purpose is clearly defined. At this juncture, learning is important to me. Knowing more stuff. Having fun is important, too. Together these things make up a driving force of what I do.

Something else I've worked on during these college years is to continue to become the person I want to become. That's a very awkward way of stating that I wanted to be more honest with other people about what I think and feel, be more honest with myself. It's difficult for me, but once you get going, it feels really good.

While it doesn't happen often, I do get a twinge of the "I have something to prove" variety. But the entity I have to prove something to is vague. Sometimes I think it's my parents, sometimes I think it's people I used to know who wouldn't give a fuck about me anymore, sometimes I think it's people I've never met, or me. You want to have this romantic feeling that you've conquered adversity, but I don't want to exaggerate challenges I've faced. At the same time, I don't want to understate them. Strike a happy medium there.

I'm also here to turn everyone gay. There is an element of seriousness behind this joke. No, actually, two more recruits and I get the toaster.

I'd like to shoot back something that I don't think about the meaning of my life because I'm too busy living it, but I'm really not all that busy seizing the day, otherwise I wouldn't be at the Whippany Diner so much. It would be nice, though, not to care if you died tomorrow. However, since I care, I know my work here is not done.

I'm really interested to see what other people think about this question. Does everyone think their life has a point? I don't necessarily think mine does. Today, I don't live mine like there is one, but I like it. Maybe it is a big joke that I don't understand, but I manage to appreciate its humor. I have to stop thinking about this before I spontaneously combust.