6.02.2005

Degree Difficulties

Satyr: a woodland creature depicted as having the pointed ears, legs, and short horns of a goat and a fondness for unrestrained revelry.

Satyr? I hardly know her!

Word from Goldman, star of the Jewish Romantic Trilogy, is that the new apartment in Chicago is "money." Dan is a proud text messager. This should be worked into the plot of #3, considering that one currently has nothing but a title.

Dear Unilever, makers of Degree anti-perspirant and deodorant:

What the fuck? Because you have long marketed Degree as a unisex deodorant, I consider this new line of Degree MEN a betrayal. I don't want Extreme Blast, I want Shower Clean! I love Shower Clean! I've received compliments for smelling Shower Clean! But now, Shower Clean has this slender, curvy, feminine packaging. I can no longer purchase my preferred "flavor" of Degree without the shopper next to me judging me for buying women's deodorant. Despite the suggestions of my friends, I refuse to purchase a box of tampons along with Shower Clean just to create an illusion that I'm buying it for my "girlfriend." I will not stoop so low! Hence this open letter. Shower Clean up your act, or I'm taking my business elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Brian

As you probably know by now, I was shocked by the hotness of a Blockbuster employee in Long Island this weekend. It will be inspiration for a new pop-punk or folk song. First, I thought it would be a parody of "sk8terboi" (He was a boy, I was a boy, could it be ANY more OBvious?), but I couldn't get too far with that. Alas. Summer goals.

Yes, I had a lot of alone time this past weekend, and all the reflection (plus the fantastic kickoff on Friday) got me pumped for the summer. To do: Trip to Montauk? ERS Black Tournament? Whippanica? Reading list? Camping? Family cruise!

When I used to walk the two blocks from high school to my house, on more than one occasion I posed the question to myself, "If you were to get shot right now, would you sit there and die, or would you try and get help?" I brought this up at lunch the other day. No one caught this drift.