On Friday, the marriage equality bill passed in New York. "Elation" best describes my feelings, and thankfulness for supportive friends and family. I compulsively checked my phone for news updates while I sat drinking wine with Julie and Ryan in Philly. I didn't have to worry because Yvonne and Andrea both sent me a message when the bill passed. Erin said to "set the date" and she would be my groomsmaid. Becky sent me a note that said, "Happy happy brother bear." Facebook was filled with congratulations to New York, and I wondered what the pages of marriage equality opponents looked like--was it all sad-face emoticons and business as usual?

JP was in airports and on planes for most of the day and did not pick me up until 1:00 in the morning. He didn't know about the news until I told him. We had not seen each other in several weeks, so I asked him one of my regular serious questions. (I have to schedule talks about feelings and other serious topics, otherwise I would never discuss them.)

"I haven't seen you in forever. Tell me your hopes and dreams."
"I want to get married."
"Me too!"
"And have babies."
"Me too!"
"And have puppies."
"Me too, a little bit."
"Maybe just one puppy."

That is what is "detrimental to the common good." That is our gay agenda. I wouldn't mind carrying it out in New York.


Practical Dactyls

The wedding tour ends Saturday with Meredith's in Delaware.


Dear Michael (Y.)

Dear Michael,

Yesterday you asked, "How's your crisis of faith going?" (It was one of many funny things you said.)

Today upon ascending from the depths of Penn Station, I came face to face with three Southern high school boys, a quiet but courteous trinity, the tallest of whom asked awkwardly, "Excuse me, sir, we've set up a prayer table here today. Is there something you'd like to pray with us about?"

I smiled and said, "Not today, thanks."

They wore black socks with white sneakers, the way kids do nowadays. They had a table on the corner!

Surely this presence a day after your question means something. All I know is I was happy.

Your friend,





"What Big Media Can Learn from the New York Public Library." Michael Lascarides' quote is a good one: "Digital is becoming the horseless of our age."

"Charting the Beatles:" I heart Beatles, I heart charts.


House Made of Dawn

I should start documenting how books make it to my 'to read' list, because I no longer remember where I heard about House Made of Dawn or why I wanted to read it. This mystery made me keep reading even though I struggled through Part 1. I had no idea what was going on.

After finishing, I confess I don't know if I grasped the whole story. I wonder if I marked it to read because the writing about the setting is beautiful. I wonder if I marked it because it is very much Western. I wonder if I marked it because it's a poem-ish kind of prose.

I had a hard time with it initially. You have to be okay with a certain level of confusion, but several "WTF" moments get explained in future pages. I loved Part 3, told from Abel''s friend Ben's point of view ("He left today. It was raining, and I gave him my coat. You know, I hated to give it up; it was the only one I had.") I liked how characters' memories would creep into the narration and then take over.

All in all, my reasons for reading are hazy, my understanding is hazy, my feelings are mixed, but I'm okay with all of the above.


Calming Myself Down

With the NJ Transit poetry wall.

To Do

Yesterday I googled "leave church" to figure out how to officially do it. Because, Archbishop Dolan, I'm tired of this. And I'm tired of this. And I am so, so angry. My thoughts and feelings are scattered, but what I know is this: no person, event, or circumstance has made me feel more worthless than the leaders of your Church. This line of yours, "detrimental to the common good," burns me up.

It is all sad and very confusing. There are so many good things I learned. When you are a kid in Sunday School, it is all about Jesus and love and being kind to people and being made in God's image and loving your neighbor. And then when you grow up you learn that God's love has important stipulations. And I'm sorry if you call it "Cafeteria Catholicism," but I sincerely believe you're wrong about that.

An atheist web site, the first link I clicked on, sent me to an Irish website, which then provided some interesting information that I followed up with on Wikipedia, "Actus formalis defectionis ab Ecclesia catholica".

The motu proprio Omnium in mentem of 26 October 2009 removed from the canons in question all reference to an act of formal defection from the Catholic Church. Accordingly, "it is no longer appropriate to enter attempts at formal defection in the sacramental records since this juridic action is now abolished. "

In late August 2010, the Holy See confirmed that it was no longer possible to defect formally from the Catholic Church.

Great. Just great.



We were dancing at a wedding, and I said,"Julie, my heart is breaking," and you said, "Brian, mine is broken."



Part of me
will always be
in Whippany
sitting on the
kitchen counter
kissing you.
Part of you
will always be


Convent Boys and Girls

1. My guy is more kissable, but I approve this careless-haired, pouty-lipped way you have at morning.

2. Lesbians at Convent! Irrational exuberance, I know. They brighten a lonely day.



I covered a lot of ground this weekend, flying from New York to Denver and then driving into the heart of Colorado. I learned many things which I will have to fill you in on later. My body is still recovering, but it better do so quickly because Friday I'm heading to Boston!

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Is the seat
In which I'm crying happily
At a tiny screen
With a photo of a newborn niece.
E is for Eleanor.