"If thou wilt foil thy foes with joy,
Then flit not from this heavenly boy."  --Robert Southwell


Brian's Favorite Things

When will we share precious moments?


Quote of the Day (Currently Reading)

“In her final years she would still recall the trip that, with the perverse lucidity of nostalgia, became more and more recent in her memory.”

― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera


Kyle Conversations

JP unwinds to Kyle XY reruns on Netflix these days.  I have seen a few episodes.  This has sparked fun conversations.

I. Kyle and Jessi both look up at the sky. Something happens.

Me: What was that? What are they looking at?

JP: They're cosmically connected.

Me: You mean like us?

JP: Yes, like us. But less awesome.

II. The dad is playing video games with his son, Josh.

Me: (referencing a conversation earlier in the night when JP said he wanted to be a dad) Are you going to do that when you're a dad?

JP: I don't know.  I always figured you would be the Dad-Dad. I'm going to be...the Mom-Dad.

Me: The Mom-Dad?!?? What does that even mean?

(This is not the first time this has come up.  JP envisions that I will be Phil Dunphy.)

Me: And why do you think that the Dad-dad would play video games? Because if we were talking about my family, I'm pretty sure my mom would have done that.


Garment District

Garment ideas we've been talking about lately:
  • Business Poncho, because "it's so hard to find a professional, lightweight jacket".  I'm thinking pinstripe.
  • Sweatblazer, combining the comfort of a sweatshirt with a design more appropriate for the workplace.

Dear Me/Bitchlog

Dear Me/Bitchlog,

1. You will continue to cut yourself shaving for the rest of your life.

2. You will fail at other things.

Happy Thanksgiving,





This Is Not About Birds

Am I biased? I am biased.  To think of him is to think of the line from Stand by Me (or The Body, but I never read that): “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.” In a wine box in a bedroom back along the Whippanong lies his cover drawing of the first issue of June Ink, a comic we dreamed up where our middle school teacher had telekinetic powers. (The June Chronicles is a subject worthy of some future discussion.) So when I flip through the pages of This Is Not About Birds and land on “Farmers Market” first, I laugh.  I don’t see a character with his “fingers indigo and sticky,” I see him.  I was predisposed to love this book.

I kept returning to the first lines.  They are the kind to mouth, to read out loud.  I liked “Marilyn and Carl” and “Quit Your Tents.” I loved “Hold’em” and “She Had No Tongue.”

I learned some cool words.  Wambling!

In the half-apologetic epistles, he writes twice he has nothing to give.  Untrue.  Read these poems.



We stopped for a drink at Nowhere, the low-key, low-ceilinged neighborhood gay bar. A whiteboard said, "Thirsty? Try a Sandy!"

"What's in a Sandy?" we asked the bartender.

"Oh, it's just a watered-down Manhattan."


Mug Shot

JP did not want to take these cups with us to New York, but I wanted to keep them.  When the family took a vacation to Florida, a young JP could not find a mug with his name on it, so he asked for both of these.  It makes me happy to see them.  It makes me want to know that kid and the family that indulged him. I also have a scenario where a guest opens our cabinet and wonders, "Who is this Paul character?"


Better Off Ted

Better Off Ted is pretty funny, guys. All I want to do today is watch the Project Jabberwocky presentation on loop.



City gay bar: Yankee game on the television, "Don't Rain on My Parade" at the piano. That feels right.


The Last Few Weekends

31. NYC. Sitting in a coffee shop, dumping teenage questions on a page in my bitchlog and loving it. 

A work project has been terribly stressful. Operation Weekend Recharge.
  • Housewarming/Engagement/Birthday/Curiosity Landing Celebration at Brooke’s
  • Breakfast with Yvonne and Dan, visiting from LA, whom I always want to breakfast with, because they are always inspiring me with personal passion projects and whatnot
  • Beer with Allison, passing through NYC on her way to Long Island. We met outside Penn Station for an hour and talked Downingtown and admired East Coast delis.  (Delis were also discussed at breakfast.)
  • Elena’s wedding/dancing with Hannah
  • My nieces and my sisters at Aunt Joanie’s
  • “It’s pretty weird how much we talk about Hemispheres Magazine"
  • I finished reading The Happiness Project. I didn’t love the style, but I enjoyed the subject.  
    • She said babies laugh about 400 times a day, but the average adult laughs 17 times a day.  I hope for me it’s more than that.
  • I watched the pilot of Freaks and Geeks the other night.  I have taken to heart this (paraphrased) line: “If the worst thing in your life is somebody made you go to a dance, then I’d say you have a pretty good life.”

If the worst thing in my life is that I gave a poorly received presentation and lost some sleep, well...I'm grateful.

On Tides

"Sometimes the moon is in the water." - Imme


90 Days, 90 Reasons.


The New Friday Night Liquor Store

Wine Heaven is our Friday Night Liquor Store. It is convenient.  Its name is Wine Heaven. A cat sits on the counter and watches the street.  The cashier shaves the neon orange price stickers from the necks of the bottles with a small razor blade.  The blade is tied to the counter with a thin red ribbon.


Dear New York City Boys

I haven't seen this many ankles since the Amateur Hemming Expo of 1881! I'm okay with it, but it's startling how extensively cuffed pants have been adopted.


Checking In

I am settling into life in New York. We have kitchen shelves!

I have met friends on the rooftops of Manhattan and Brooklyn. The city is beautiful from up there.

The ladies who work at Al's Deli call me baby or papi. They call the men who speak Spanish to them mi amor

I am alternately energized and exhausted by the city. The people and the buildings are inspiring, but I am getting reacquainted with the feeling that daily life is a battle.


This Is a Test

Testing Twitter integration, y'all.  Worlds colliding.

The McSmall Room Is Back

The ideas are flowing.  Just consider these new television shows we're pitching:

  • Legal Beagle: something about veterinary malpractice and a lovable dog
  • Dawson's Administration: I don't wanna wait...to see Dawson Leery as president!


Game of Cats: The Aftermath

What happened at your office today? Because I:

1. Logged onto Facebook before the start of a meeting held in a different time zone. I was the only attendee calling in.  I heard that there would be about 20-30 people in the meeting, so I waited on the line while people settled in.

2. Saw a link to this video of a cat meowing the Game of Thrones theme and could not resist the urge to click.

3. LOL'd at the video and played it for about 10 seconds. Then I had to share it.

4. Got an e-mail asking me to mute my phone. "You're in a mic from the ceiling."  Yeah. They muted me, but I forgot to mute them.

Forever purrrrsuing excellence!


Monday's Child

"Monday's Child is fair of face." Over the years, my mother has repeatedly quoted this nursery rhyme, but no one else I know ever has.  We talked about it this weekend after dinner. The kids had gone to sleep. We stayed up drinking white wine until we ran out of cold bottles.  Mom said that Jenn, Becky, and I were born on Saturday (Becky), Sunday (Jenn), and Monday (me).
"You better not tell Becky...'Saturday's child works hard for a living.'"

Jenn asked what Sunday meant.

"'But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day is fair and wise and good and gay'...You should have been born on a Sunday," Mom said to me.

Then she laughed at her own joke (I get that from her), and the rest of us joined in.


The Peak

In March we were at Barker.  He had a few drinks by the time JP and I arrived.  He told me it was the start of four months of maudlin goodbyes.  I grasped for a reply.  He did not want a trite response; he shut me down.  He nearly accused Carlos and me of being “emotionally stable,” but then he teased me that I wasn’t always that way.  “How do you know that?” I asked.  “Your own writing!”

In April we bowled for Passover.  We drove back from Wheat Ridge Lanes to a band party uptown.  He asked me his question: the peak and the pit.  What was the peak and what was the pit of my time in Denver?

I said, “The peak was meeting you.”

He seemed uncomfortable with the simple fact, trying to prompt a revision.  No revision necessary. I don’t know if I’m emotionally stable or if my emotions fossilize after replaying events in my head, smoothing out how I feel over time.  But I knew it was true then, just as it is true now.

I remember telling Bob that I thought I made a friend (“Just one?” he smirked in that way that makes me both cherish him and want to murder him), and I remember Hannah giggling with me in shared excitement when I told her the same thing.

I wrote about the night Octobers ago when he said, “You could just drive me around for a while,” and I felt home, New Jersey home, because that’s all we did for years and years.

I never tire of trading lines from Clueless with him.

I think of Denver and I think of him. I think of chorus and I think of him. I think of Janet Jackson and I think of him.  I think of “Futile Devices” and I think of him: “You are the life I needed all along/ I think of you as my brother/Although that sounds dumb.”

Dear Andrew, 

In a mountainous region, you were the peak.

With love,



Notes: Things We Did in Denver

We were always meeting for brunch.  Before I moved, I thought of brunch as a “very New York thing,” but it was never a ritual in New York the way it was in Denver.  We ate at Lucile’s. Beignets were a must; there the Bloody Mary was stuffed with shrimp, okra, a celery stalk, and the glass was rimmed with Old Bay. We ate at Fleur Bistro, where the room was quiet, the drinks were bottomless, and the ceiling was beautiful.  We ate at DJ’s Berkeley Café, where the coffee was good and served in mismatched mugs (I always got the “MOM” one).  We ate at Snooze, Watercourse, Devil’s Food, Sam’s #3, Black Pearl, Wild Eggs, and once at Jelly.  Often we traded traditional brunch for dim sum.  Then we always went to Star Kitchen.  We ordered every variation of shrimp, but the shrimp and leek or shrimp and cilantro dumplings were our favorites.  We ordered pan-fried noodles with seafood, and Chinese Broccoli with oyster sauce.  We never left without pineapple buns and the sesame ones that the cart ladies would cut in half with scissors.  We poured tea for each other.

We were always drinking good beer.  I enjoyed Oskar Blues’ Mama’s Little Yella Pils, and their Old Chub Scotch Ale.  I liked Samurai Rice Ale from Great Divide.  I liked Left Hand Milk Stout and Good Juju, and all of their Porters.  I liked New Belgium Trippel.  I liked Easy Street Wheat from Odell.  We drank the Duchesse de Bourgogne, not from Denver.  A small shoot of happiness grows within me whenever I see one of these on the menu.

We drank Stranahan’s in winter and shots of Patron in summer.  We could never exhaust that gift pack Aunt Joanie gave me.   I could convince Ryan, who was easy to convince on the subject of Patron, and his assent in turn convinced me it was a good idea.

We were always driving into the Colorado outdoors.  We camped at Keystone, Halfmoon Creek, Cottonwood Lake, and somewhere around Crestone. It never took less than 3 hours to get anywhere. The distances were taxing.  We took Route 285 into the heart of the state.  That empty plateau west of the Front Range and east of the Sawatch Range was probably not beautiful by Colorado standards, but it plays heavily in my memory. (And who knew before living there that the Rockies could be subdivided into component ranges?)  At Buena Vista we turned north for fourteeners or south for the Great Sand Dunes.  Our phones lost service. We drank PBR and ate black bean and corn salad.  We toasted marshmallows.  Maryann taught us to hollow out an orange, pour in cake batter, and bake the cake in the coals of the camp fire.  The air got so cold it would wake me up.

Most often we skied and rode at Breckenridge. I liked Peak 7.  It was all Blues.  We took the T-Bar to the top of Peak 8 and cruised down that open space that they label as Pika and Ptarmigan on a map.  At Vail I liked China Bowl and Big Rock Park.

Most of the year we never needed to check the weather.  The sun shined, then there would be a violent thunderstorm, and then it would be sunny again.  Sometimes the air would smell like shit, and everyone would tell you that the wind was coming down from Greeley.

We were always watching TV.  The grad school kids would come over to watch different cable shows.  We would lounge at the pool, order Pat’s cheesesteaks or Thai Pot, and watch True Blood. Or Game of Thrones. Or Dexter (I would not watch that). Or cooking reality competitions.  When there was not a scheduled program, Eliot was in charge of the remote.  We would smoke and eat one thousand pizza rolls and judge anyone who questioned our brilliance.  Food was always present.   Ryan and Patty brought meats and fish to grill, Allison brought vegetables for us all to grow (named after divas or Cheers patrons), Eliot brought candy, Erica made soups and the to-die-for chocolate cake.  It sometimes felt like 7 or 8 people lived in that house.  Ailea, Zack, and Sophie always came over, too.  We baked brownies in the edge pan.  We played games.  Sophie would turn on the keyboard so that it played Rondo a la Turque, and would declare, “This is my song,” before launching into series of spins and jumps.  She told stories whose heroine was often named Ailea, and together we outsmarted sharks and monsters and vampires. It was my grandma’s house; it was Dani’s house; it was community living in Harnwell; it was the Pun Shop.  JP and I loved it.  It seems like an essential element. I worry about how to create a similar home in a cramped Manhattan apartment.

We were always singing.  We were always singing in churches.  The Denver Gay Men’s Chorus rehearsed at Christ Church United Methodist. We performed at Montview Presbyterian, St. Andrew United Methodist, and L2 Arts and Culture Center, a former Christian Scientist church. We performed at First Plymouth Congregational, Park Hill United Methodist, Lakewood United Methodist, First United Methodist Church Boulder, and Metropolitan Community Church of the Rockies.  I’ve never been in so many churches.  We were always wearing tuxedos. We were always purifying vowels.  We were always rehearsing getting on and off the stage.  We were always bitching about someone. We were always getting to know someone better.  We were always laughing at a long table at D.O.R.I.S. events (Dining Out Regularly Is Sublime).  I was always crying at concerts.  We were always carrying out the mission of the DGMC: building community through music.

We were always dancing.  We danced at Lip Gloss when Derek was around.  We danced at Charlie’s with Andy.  We danced at X Bar only sometimes, and we danced at Compound on my birthday.  We danced at Tracks with everyone we knew.  We need to learn where to dance in New York.

We were figuring out how to live together.  Although we knew each other at school and dated for over two years before I moved, we will no doubt one day say that we fell in love in Denver.  I would prod JP, “Tell me your hopes and dreams.” We both hated answering that question.  We were always discussing our wedding.  We made a list of Dogs We Can Agree On (Bernese Mountain Dog, Golden Retriever, Old English Sheepdog, Zelda). We disagreed over the bed situation in our dream house (he wanted separate ones, I said no.). We disagreed about the heating and lighting in our real house.  I pushed buttons like I always do.  I studied the events that provoked my jealousy.  We saw each other through terrible bouts of work.  We were always coming from opposite ends of the city to meet in the middle for dinner.  We had date nights and would watch Harry Potter and Twilight movies. We went to more weddings than the Holy Spirit. We talked about traveling, but we never took a vacation alone together.

We were always leaving.  I was in New York half of the time I lived in Denver.  I was at meetings in Alabama or Chicago or California.  The era always had an expiration date.   The winter before we left we held one never-ending discussion about where we wanted to go.  The summer when we left we were always returning.  We don’t love it here yet.  We don’t know what life is here yet.  We will soon see this new place as the opportunity that it is, but we aren’t ready yet.


Blue Period 1901-1904

From the wall of Room 8 at Barcelona's Picasso Museum, talking about Picasso getting hooked up with those crazy French poets:

"He discovered a type of literature in which sincerity is inseparable from pain; in which art springs from sadness and suffering."

Emphasis mine.  I liked the way they phrased that.


Dear New York City Girls

Hold my hand and we'll say this together: to hell with scooped-out bagels!


Memories of Nebraska

A recap of our journey is on my "to blog" list.  In the interim, please behold this video that Erin shared with me in Nebraska, on a pleasantly sunny day after the Thunderstorm/Shitstorm.

Reminder to self: "Use your best judgment, or talk to somebody that has better judgment."


Remember That Time

Remember that time I moved, and my place was broken into after a week? That fucking sucked.

P.S. I moved.



Because of that concern for the movement of furniture:

  • The yellow bookcase from Shirley that my mother painted black when I moved to New York was donated to Goodwill.
  • Taylor took the giant couch and the "diesel" step ladder
  • My father's childhood dresser which I thought would not leave Denver is moving back.
  • The old "wedding china" was donated.  All my old glasses were donated.  I thought about bringing them back and giving them to the Brooklyn Girls to replace all the flowers of the month they broke.


Quote of the Day

"Whenever you or I or any politician draws a line between US and THEM, and we see US as moral and THEM as less than us in the eyes of God, be aware that Jesus is
always on the other side of our line."  --Rev. Dr. Harvey C. Martz


Recent Conversations

Becky: "I have my Pearl Jam phases."
Me: "I know."


Adam: "What are you going to wear to Tracks?"
Maryann: "A white dress with sparkles. Duh."



President Obama: "At a certain point, I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same-sex couples should be able to get married."

Leadership! Respect.


Story Idea

Our protagonist is a sea cucumber who eviscerates himself...for love!

To research our protagonist I went to Wikipedia and found one of the sections of the sea cucumber entry is on "In art and literature." This, in turn, brought me to Rise, Ye Sea Slugs!, which seems at once fascinating and overwhelming.


What Do You Do Again?

"Vibrators. They don't just sell themselves." - E


Poem in Your Pocket Day 2012

This year's poem in my pocket is Summer Solstice by Stacie Cassarino.  I found this using the Poetry Foundation's mobile app, because we all should have poetry on the go! As a side benefit, the pegasus icon is very pleasing.


Quote of the Day

"Before I judge somebody or indulge a groundless fear, Joan says I'm supposed to ask myself: What is the source of your information? If the answer is--as it usually is--I thought it up, I should dismiss the idea."
--Mary Karr, Lit


One Answer

I was driving, thinking on the question, "What is the meaning of Denver?" One answer, or the thesis statement, came from a song on the radio.  I was listening to one of the cross-country mix CD's that our friends gave us when I moved from NY.  I'm not sure if Erica or Meredith made this one.  I didn't know the song, but now I do.

"I have come to test the timber of my heart."



Work is super busy right now!  Lackadaisical blog updates.

In Internet voyages this week, I did love Texts from Hillary.  I also loved Airplane Lavatory Self-Portraits in the Flemish Style.

Despite the workload, Denver has been on fire in terms of fun.  Il faut en profiter.



Peeps Show VI at The Washington Post.


My Boyfriend's Father

Kisses me on the cheek, like my own father does. File under: Things I Never Dreamed.



Burn my mouth. Keep my tongue from tasting this day.


Traveling Mercies

"'We in our faith work,' she said, 'stumble along toward where we think we're supposed to go, bumbling along, and here is what's so amazing--we end up getting exactly where were supposed to be.'"

I've loved everything I've read by Anne Lamott. Traveling Mercies was no exception. She is giving a reading for her latest in Denver soon, and I'm hoping to make it.


Dear Andrew

Dear Andrew,

I thought of you today as I carried my near-dead plant home from the office. I felt like Liz Lemon as crazy old lazy/Joker. Crowds stared and parted like the Red Sea! It made my walk to Penn Station a breeze.

I am hanging on to this plant and taking it to NJ (back to the Garden!) and asking my mom to nurse it to recovery. I know nothing of plants, but I believe this one has life in him. Like Anne Lamott, "I'm a sucker for a good resurrection story."

Yours sincerely,



All My Little Words

The Magnetic Fields have been in my head all day.


Express to New York

I rode one of those $15 $16 buses from the airport to Port Authority today. Many of the passengers around me were international tourists, speaking French or consulting German guide books. A German girl pointed out the Empire State Building to her friends. I wondered at our different reactions. They were seeing New York for the first time and brimmed with nervous travel excitement. I saw Route 78 and thought about how I could not count the times I've crossed back and forth on that road. I was coming home.

J.P. matched for internship in New York, and we will be moving this summer. I immediately started checking off things I loved and hated about the city. We had an ongoing conversation about varying topics over the first week:

  • J.P. planned to leave his car out west. I really don't mind not driving.
  • I lamented mice and cockroaches but conjured a small Victory Fist when I realized "We have cats now!"
  • We tried to lecture the cats about how their living space will be downsized.
  • "We have to figure out how to afford to live in New York," I said. "That's your responsibility," he said.
  • "Bagels as far as the eye can see!" I said.
I guess I have some nervous excitement, too. I'm happy to be heading back, old friend.



You can watch the LA premiere reading of 8 on the American Foundation for Equal Rights' YouTube here.

Spring Is Coming

"First love is such sweet despair, Colin." --My Week with Marilyn


College Doesn't Make You Liberal

Yay, science.

Phone Call with Niece

"What are you doing today?"

"I'm going to see Jesus, Brian."

"Oh, tell him I said hello."


Dream, 3/2/2012

Again with the bike, again with Karla Drive. (Apparently in my dreams I am close but never quite make it home.) I took the bike to a shop "in town" and exchanged it for another. I stopped in a pub and ran into Megan, who was hiding from her landlord. He showed up and ranted. Later I was at a party and left to get my car, but Rihanna insisted that she would drive. She had her red hair. She drove, and Jay-Z and I sat next to her. We passed a George Washington Bridge-like bridge. Even later there was a man whose features were all being blown out of proportion by a very strong fan, and from under his hand crawled a roach. I woke up wondering what it would be like if a cockroach were my spirit animal.


The Art of Living

The Art of Living at Incidental Comics.

Dear Bitchlog: Rick Again

I cannot believe I live in a country where a person who makes a statement like this is in a position to be its next president.


I Want That Boo To Be Me

Allison suggested I use this song when I propose. I think it would work!



Last week I asked for an invite to join Pinterest to figure out what all of the buzz was about.  Honestly, it's a little overwhelming.  I like lists of things better than having them all scattered about like they are on Pinterest and the Facebook timeline.  But today I decided to jump in and make a "board."  And what is the Internet good for? Pretty pictures of celebrities.


I Heart NJ

It's been a big month for gmarriage.  Washington State passed earlier this week, and today the New Jersey Assembly passed marriage equality, following its passage two days ago in the Senate.   I clapped at my desk after I watched the votes go in.

Governor Christie will veto it.  The legislature will have two years to try to override the veto.


Dear Bitchlog: The Reminder

Dear Bitchlog,

Rick Santorum is now the leading contender for the Republican Party presidential nomination in national polls.


  1. Associated Press Interview, April 2003
  2. And if the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does. It all comes from, I would argue, this right to privacy that doesn't exist in my opinion in the United States Constitution, this right that was created, it was created in Griswold — Griswold was the contraceptive case — and abortion. And now we're just extending it out. And the further you extend it out, the more you — this freedom actually intervenes and affects the family. You say, well, it's my individual freedom. Yes, but it destroys the basic unit of our society because it condones behavior that's antithetical to strong healthy families. Whether it's polygamy, whether it's adultery, where it's sodomy, all of those things, are antithetical to a healthy, stable, traditional family. Every society in the history of man has upheld the institution of marriage as a bond between a man and a woman. Why? Because society is based on one thing: that society is based on the future of the society. And that's what? Children. Monogamous relationships. In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.
  3. 2006 Comcast (?) Interview
  4. I guess it is and have voted for contraception, although I don’t think it works. I think it’s harmful to women. I think it’s harmful to our society to have a society that says that sex outside of marriage is something that should be encouraged or tolerated… 

Dear America: W.T.F?



"My haters are my motivators." 

Sidenote: fascinated by the JCPenney re-brand.


The Ruling

All that Proposition 8 accomplished was to take away from same-sex couples the right to be granted marriage licenses and thus legally to use the designation of 'marriage,' which symbolizes state legitimization and societal recognition of their committed relationships. Proposition 8 serves no purpose, and has no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California, and to officially reclassify their relationships and families as inferior to those of opposite-sex couples. The Constitution simply does not allow for "laws of this sort." Romer v. Evans, 517 U.S. 620, 633 (1996).
I'm not sure how you cite a court ruling, but this is from the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruling on Perry v. Brown.



"You're always writing letters to people you don't talk to anymore while ignoring the people you should talk to!" This was how my brain ended an argument we were having about blogging in January. So in anger, laziness, and a spirit of not caring, I began copying and pasting. Not very creative. I was still thinking about letters, not least because I began reading the letters of John and Abigail Adams. Thinking over the idea that the blog or letters I've written were only one side of a conversation. The past month offers glimpses of the other side: e-mails, IMs, text messages I've received. In truth, none of them are from a proper letter (one is quote from a birthday card), but again: laziness.

There is not much rhyme or reason, just things that struck me as interesting, funny, unforgettable at the beginning of 2012.   Some were aligned to specific dates: #28, can you spell out the M. one day, is a question I asked J.P. in an e-mail ten years ago.  He signed his name J.P.M.R.  January 28th is our anniversary.  (#6 is from an e-mail he sent me around the same time.) #9 I liked because it made me laugh out loud.  #29 returns to me often (years after it was written I e-mailed my friend to confess that I dwell on this - the bathtub, the dilemma), as does #8, which is a comment Julie made when asked about all the frequent shopper/loyalty cards on her key chain.  The quotations from poems or books are things I liked but never knew what to do with. Exception: #17, originally was going to be a quote from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind movie, but then I went for Alexander Pope instead (the poem where the title is from) because the of the writing/letter reference. #26 might sound ominous, but it is actually an order Imme gave me over Christmas to help her open a puzzle that was wrapped in plastic.

Moving on to February, our future location will be revealed to us by the end of the month.  The short list appears to be Boston, Los Angeles, and New York. Not necessarily in that order.  Rankings will be determined this weekend.



"Where's that email you're supposed to send? I am emotionally better, so send it to me. If you don't I'll be forced to sing ‘Baby I Love Your Way,’ every time I see you until the end of time..."



"although I never weep
and hold you in my
heart with a very real
humor you'd be proud of"
--Frank O’Hara, "Morning"



"and boys??? BOYS?? i used to lie in the bath tub at night (in a bath, not
just lying there) thinking about what i could do to commune better
with the opposite sex, and just humans in general...but i never got
anywhere with that train of thought, so i just gave up on it. my big
problem, is that the people that i think are good people, and the
people i might consider sleeping with aren’t the same people...it's a
pisser, as i'm sure you well know...."



P.S. Can you spell out the M. one day?



“I just feel so sad. What I wanted to do seemed simple. I wanted to create something alive and shocking enough that it could stand beside a morning in somebody’s life. The most ordinary morning. Imagine, trying to do that. What foolishness.”
-–Michael Cunningham, The Hours



“You will get a knife.”



“Everything, in fact, recalled him to me, as though he’d left the whole world to me in his will.”
--Michael Chabon, The Mysteries of Pittsburgh



“Glad Doug bought the necessities for a hurricane. Ice cream and apple pie non perishable.”



“we are thinking of maybe going as the bangles this year--i don't want to do it though unless i can be the lead singer. i think we have some dress in the basement that used to be marina's that i could wear.”



"And can you tell me was it worth it
Really, I don’t wanna know"
--Fleetwood Mac, "Silver Springs"



"To say what letters contain is impossible. Did you ever touch your tongue to a metal surface in winter--how it felt to not get a letter is easier to say."
--Anne Carson, The Beauty of the Husband



“Quoting Mermaids is as natural as heterosexuality and Christianity.”



"Just like a murderer jumps out of nowhere in an alley, love jumped out in front of us and struck us both at once! The way lightning strikes, or a Finnish knife!"
--Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita



“hey poop cat,”
“hey poop kittens,”
“hey dorkus,”
“hey dream boat,”
“hey twat waffle,”



"Yet write, oh write me all, that I may join
Griefs to thy griefs, and echo sighs to thine."
--Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard"



“I hate who I am, really.”



"So much for:

1. Moderation
2. Rules
3. Moderation rules"



Gretchen made mental notes of things for her wedding (Chippendales tuxedo shirts for groomsmen, a military reunion to up the emotional ante).



"Admiration is to love as Staten Island is to Manhattan."



"you shall above all things be glad and young." --e.e. cummings



"i can’t sleep even though i love the sound of pouring rain..i’ll hate it in the morning..life!"



"larkspur shattered



“She gave up, and decided Mildred could lick the stains off the ceiling for all she cared.”



"I collect invasions of privacy."



“I wonder if it has any huge significance on my life at all or whether it has very little, and I look at our backyard which doesn't have grass, but a huge expanse of rocks, some odd jade trees and cacti and the occasional bird. There used to be humming birds but there are now ravens -- which is oddly but obviously disquieting.”



"i am in a position
where i suspect i will be
the closest i will ever be
in order to truthfully state
i have a whole lot of nothing
yes yes yes my dear
my dear that i love so well
i have a whole lot of
empty in my hands"



"No, you are a different breed. You're so reserved about opinions that for some reason people just assume yours is good so they don't need to hear it."



I have some overlap with this.